Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Wow its been awhile since i've written. I broke up with allen on the 19, eek our one month. It was so much harder than i thought. We both cried but it was good, i guess he understood that i cant love me like i should, im not over matt and jason. I dont know why im holding on so hard. I kno nothing will ever come of it. Anywayz Spring break was pretty awesome
Monday: Sat around the house and then went to the Mest concert with Shay. It was really cool altho i didn't really care to see Fall out boy and that other bad. Matchbook Romance and Mest kicked ass!! And i got to see some really hot punk guys, i knew britt would of loVed it..haha
Tuesday i didn't really do anything i dont think
Wednesday: Me and Allison went to Wild Adventures. I haven't hung out with her in forever. It was pretty cool to hang out and talk about old times.
Thursday: Me and Megan were supposed to go to the beach but it was too cold :'(. So we went to Tally ho for the day. We shoped and then went to see 50 first dates which was quite good. haha Megan got this fake tan and i was blown away by how quickly it came on. Hella funny for sure! Then on the way back we saw these guys and called them. They seemed alright...ahh motocross guys are Hott!
Friday i didn't do shit..i think i did a little work around the house. i saw allen for like 30 minutes and then i went to go see someone i haven't seen in awhile. :)
Saturday: O gosh this nite was surely the biggest kick in the ass. OK so allen now knows that us being together as more than friends is pretty much not in the question for awhile. I hate knowing i hurt him so much. Hes my best friend, part of me wishes it was all like before. Altho i kno he wouldn't understand. Things were simpler then. geeez! So allison and me went to meet the motocross dudes. Hell yea they were hot..hot yankees..ugh..lol.We went out to eat andwent back to the track. I had no idea that these guys would be so UGH. Hella kick in the ass..for those of you who know what im talking about. I have never been treated so badly in my entire life, then again..heh. But it was bad. It really makes you appreciate good guys.
Anywayz spring break is almost over and its back to school. i got like 6 weeks to bring up my grades. i so wish i could redo this year. My week was okay. I didn't get to hang out with britt. Its finally hit me that things are changing and theres nothing to be done about it this time. I guess ill have to let her move on. Shes got this guy tho. Im so excited for her. It seems like he really likes *her* She deserves someone good for her. I hope everything works out, i love her to much to let her be unhappy.
Proms coming up..im thinking of changing my date..hell idk.
Posted at 11:15 am by rEdNeCk
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
All of us are searching for an open arm...well its a shame how i curl up in the dark
I absolutely hate being confused. I started going out with allen, seemed like a good idea since we were best friends and i was completely enthralled with him before.....I can't stand it tho. Hes obsessed with me....like in love with me. i hate it so much, i hate being around him...it just makes me sick. I have no idea what im going to do though...it sucks ass.
I kno i still love jack...and i can't get that fact out of my mind..even tho nothing will EVER come of it again. ive been thinking of matt again...and then i had that dream last nite ..and saw the matt look alike at TU. Its just freaky i think, some kind of sign. I want that kind of love back...so badly...ugh...I want to be able to give my whole heart and love someone entirely....will i ever fall in love again?
Posted at 08:56 pm by rEdNeCk
Yea i came across this really awesome song by Blindside.. and i just felt like it understood me alot....
"All Of Us"
As soon as you stepped through my door,
I saw You for the first time all over again.
And time well spent seems
Lonelier than the way it used to go.
As I smell you for the first time all over again
I'll begin to remember to be alive
So if you don't mind
I think I'll wear my heart on my sleeve,
'Cause I'm tired of not being able to breathe.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark.
I've felt a loss for some time
I slipped, stumbled, but fell face first
straight into your hand.
Then I hit my head on your palm
And waking up to the smell
Of tears drying up in the sand
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark.
I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I just ...
All of us are searching for an open arm
Well, it's a shame how I pull myself apart.
When it's the same words making me run for cover to
your heart.
(All of us are searching for an open arm)
When it's the same words making me run for cover to
your heart.
(All of us are searching for an open arm)
(All of us are searching for an open arm)
Posted at 08:49 pm by rEdNeCk
Sunday, February 08, 2004
OmG..its been so fuckin long since i've written. Lots have happened. Currently not friends with Jennifer anymore..which also mean Lindsay followed. I should have known tho. She hooked up with Jack for over a month and didn't tell me...everyone knew but me. Then she lied to me about it. Ya kno i thought she was better than that but i was so wrong. I should have listened but i never do. Then me, britt, and jess all got in a huge mess. Bunch of shit all created over Jennifer. But thats over with. I got closure. I still got my brittney. Megan and I are still good friends. Reed is still my good friend even tho hes with BoB. His friends are hella cool. Mike is such a hottie, man i should of hooked up with him instead of Johnny. Hahaha. Ok so anyway..Jack and i are weirdly becoming good friends again too, its good. I have no romantic feelings for him. I love that boi to death tho. Hes was my first love. Then Allen "confessed" his love for me again. I know how bad he wants to go out with me but i just cant take that. Hes like my brother. Besides i'm really confused about relationships now. Ill just stick with jacks motto..fuck everything, single life rocks. No need to love when you end of getting hurt eventually. Ugh, i hated that so much before but now it make so much more sense. I met josh bodiford. i really wanted to be friends but if hes gonna get all pissy cause i dont want to go out with him then fine. Trey was cool to hang out with though. That nite was soo much fun with them and lindsay, like i kno i was pretty messed up, well the most i've ever been but that was so fun. Im still looking for Adam Gainous....he was so gorgous..Soooo yea, i think thats whats been going on.
Friday: Went to tally with Meg and had a pretty good time. Its not like going out with Britt tho. I can act so much more of myself with britt. Thats just my girl tho. When i got back britt, shay, and i rode around. We met these rednecks at the Hotel. Omg that was so much fun. Then i came home and got a visit from Allen and Jack. :)
Saturday: Rode around with Britt....then picked up Brooke. haha i hid in the trunk and we got johnny and scared the shit out of him. Mike and Reed came along then. I felt so skanky standing in that bowling alley, ugh! It was fun though watching Mike run around, and sit with those mexicans. So yea i think thats pretty much all thats been going on. Ill holla at cha later with shit i forgot.....
Posted at 04:44 pm by rEdNeCk
Sunday, January 04, 2004
bartender i really did it this time.....
WoW.............jack's got a girlfriend. No biggie, im pretty much over that. Ive been in these really weird moods lately. I think i'm maturing..o fuck not that. I just dont enjoy being around my friends, and i long for a boyfriend. Maybe depression is sinking in. I hope not, that shit sucks, i'll do anything to stay away.
New years was okay. We all drank but i made sure no one drove who was drunk. I was upset charlie didn't want anything to do with me tho. Me and britt went to waffle house at 3am..i was so tired. Then i slept in her car for an hour. It created a pretty good memory.
We got drunk again last nite. Jen was back and center of all attention. Lindsay and britt and i really bonded while she was away. Jen was really messed up and it just got on my nerves. My mood turned ugly so quick. I really just wanted to go home. This mood hasn't changed either, i didn't even want to go out with them today. I'm kinda ready to go to college, get away from this town and all of these people.
Ender will Save us all....
Posted at 03:52 pm by rEdNeCk
Sunday, December 28, 2003
yea you bleed just to know you're alive
Everything is begining to make alot of sense. I still don't trust Taylor with anything but some of what he says is the truth. No wonder i dont have many friends anymore. Jason was only part of it. But the girls i do hang out with seem to find it fun to start shit. Last nite, Allen was only joking with britt, and he even apologized, yet she went as far as to throw that stuff on his truck and yell shit at him. I could of lost him as a friend he was so pissed. I should have known better.
Just makes sense why alot of people dont hang out with us anymore. Maybe they really are immature. I'm not giving any credit to Taylor, Pete, and Morgan. We tried to stop all that shit with them and they continue it. Im just saying its all the same with everyone. Im finally growin up, dang this sucks...haha. Im like they're wise older sister, b/c i have big psychology words as Jen says. I still love my friends, i just wish they'd stop with all the drama.
HAHAHA, lemme just say Friday night was fun. I dont remember much, but i kno i made out with Charlie. :)
*And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming or the moment of truth in your lies*
Posted at 01:40 pm by rEdNeCk
Thursday, December 25, 2003
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE SOUTH
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
loVe Ya'LL,
mEgTaN
Posted at 12:17 pm by rEdNeCk
Monday, December 22, 2003
Please God let him live....
Matt got into a wreck. Hes pretty bad off. Broken ribs, head injury, lost his spleen...and hes in a coma. I feel awful, i loved him so much...and then all that shit went on. i dont understand, but i know this happened for a reason. maybe he'll learn something, but i doubt it. Psychos cant change.....
I cant believe i stood so close to jason. I wanted to die, i thought i would die. Im so confused. I am going to forgive matt, it will be the right thing to do. Fuck the rest of them tho, fucking bastards. They're friend may be dying and their out having a good time.
Posted at 10:55 pm by rEdNeCk
Sunday, December 21, 2003
I've seen alot of people who thought they were cool, then again i've seen alot of fools
I wish people could understand me more and my friends didn't talk about me. I just want to feel complete. I think that the feeling wont come for a while.
Tally was cool. I had forgotten how much i hated caffine pills tho. We got back to town and saw jack. We rode out to Morgans and turned on the siren to scare the shit out of them. I saw the fag's truck. I was entralled with Jack...i kno i dont still love him, but its really great that we can actually talk again. I had really missed him. I just needed closure for a while. ha like 5 months. Now Allen has a girlfriend. Im so stupid and jealous. Oh well i had my chance, and i completely blew it. We're still really good friends tho. Hes my best and closest friend.
Britt and I are still working on our house at the land. I think it'll be awesome when we all go out there.
I cant believe this crap. The WD click is still out to get us. You think this shit would end. They'll get screwed over too in the end. I'll just have to be patient. Watch out guys, i know plenty of people that could really mess with ya'll. Remember Jack practically knows every cop from here to Atlanta and he'll do anything for me.
Christmas is almost here! wahoooo....Its just not the same anymore. I think that all of the stress and events that have been going on have brought me down. I wonder if i'll ever be the same again, time will tell.
Posted at 06:19 pm by rEdNeCk
Thursday, December 18, 2003
haha jason likes riding those waves
Ugh..nothing ever happens anymore. Im a lazy bum. I LOVE THE SOUTH THO! I used to abso. hate it, then i realized how great it is....its just one of those things. LIke being in the country....it has its hidden beauties. Hell yea, the south kicks ass. For all the shallow minds: please dont sterotype rednecks...they rock too...well some, the trashy ones suck..haha im such a dork. Eh, one more day of torture at the highschool....i guess ill be chillen at the hizzouse for a while. Im going to tally tomorrow with my friends..o gr8, i bet this will be interesting...
Posted at 09:13 pm by rEdNeCk
