I had to start a new blog...some cruel people with no life got into my other one. so i pasted all the old entries on here.
Switchfoot
Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly
[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken
[Chorus]
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live
Dec 13, 2003
UgH jAck got me on this
Jack: Papa wants you?
Meg: Papa who?
Jack: Papa deez nuts in yo mouth bitch...
haha omg, this crap is so overplayed. I really need to stop....
pUnK aSs rEdNeCk
MMMMMk...lemme see. what has happened in the past few days. Abso. Shit. I can be really happy and just a minor little incident can make me all depressed and people dont want to be around me.
HIGHLIGHT OF MY WEEK- Jack called and we talked for a long ass time. Then i saw him and Allen at Victorian Christmas...omg he looked so good.
Confused.....Do i really want jack back ...or am i just overwhelmed by the fact that we're friends again. Its been soo long since we were "together". I just keep thinking of all the good times....In lakeland..when we shot that gator..haha omg, that was great. Jack jumped in the pond neked...well sorta..and got him out. Then i shot a turtle. His family was the greatest. I loved them more than my own. I miss that...mostly Jack...ugh...Weird how i was soo against shooting little animals before. I just love the damn south so much. Thank god i grew up here.
Today was Jen's Birthday. She looked really cute in her outfit. I was uber jealous. Charlie rode around with us...he was drunk..pissed me off. I like him tho...whatever..Forget him too i guess. Idk...everything is confusing. Everyone appears to be a liar and out to kill me....
I HATE T'VILLE PEOPLE.
Dec 9, 2003
DEEZ NUTS......my anti-drug
Geez ive beed sort of busy...
Saturday- Bullshit came over and we talked from 7-10:30. Then i payed Jen, Linz, and Britt to TP my house and write Release Megan on my car. hhaha it was hella funny. I got to talk to Charlie! my latest crush...mwah!
Sunday- I chilled with Jen and Lindsay for a little while and met Michael Anderson who absolutely hated me. I thought it was sort of funny. Uh then i went to the chrismas tree farm and got bitched out by my mom. It was alot of crying. Emotional Upset. Then Allen asked me out which was a total freak out major. His loss, i liked him before and he didn't want me. Hes too much of a brother figure now.
Monday- Uhh went to school. Went to Jen's and went around town recording people. Uhh i think thats it. Ran away from the WD click. eeek! haha. i love chase scenes.
Tuesday- Took some tests and practically failed. Took Reed around and got messed up. Reed asked me out. I of course said no. I dont understand why my best friends keep askingme out. Its gettin on my nerves. I liked these kids before and now that i only think of them as friends they want me. I dont get it. Besides i really like charlie altho i suppose nothing is going to happen with that. I promise i wont get my hopes up..its merely a crush.
Dec 6, 2003
Behind these blue eyes
Whoa! tonite rocked in comparison to any other night. I went to Jen's and picked up Britt and Lindsay. We droped my car off and rode around for a little while. man i love those gurls! their great friends.
haha im such a dork
Me:Discover?
Me: DEEZ NUTS!
Me: HAHAHAHAHA!
Skoo..i got to talk to Bullshit for like an hour.
We drove up to probably the trashest place in town besides waffle house...the bowling alley.
But an old ex was there...JACKERY!! Gosh i miss him. He rode around with us for a little while and i talked to him and told him about the whole Jason thing. I wasn't sure if he was concerned but i could tell he cared. It feels great to get those hugs again. I wonder if he still goes out with that whore..hmmm...*pondering*
Then we rode out to Morgans...bad idea. We saw them on the way out there and got the evilest looks. When got back to town, there they were...of course...Matt drove by and waved..jason flicked us off. O big fucking deal. Gosh i wish they'd grow up. We sent them all this really good letter i wrote. Ha ill have to post it for rememberence....
TAYLOR LOOKS LIKE A FREAK! he got a really bad haircut.
I
Hate
the
Winndixie
Click
Fuck them all!!!!!
Dec 4, 2003
messed up something feirce
HAHA! PAYBACK HAS STARTED. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHATS COMING FOR YOU. DO YA'LL REALLY THINK THAT YA'LL CAN BULLY US AROUND AND WE'LL JUST TAKE IT? I THINK NOT. I AM DETERMINED TO SCREW ALL OF YA'LL OVER..IT WILL BE MY LIFE AMBITION. I REALLY DONT CARE WHAT IT TAKES. ME JEN AND BRITT HAVE GOT IT COVERED ENOUGH.
omg im so messed up but itz so cool. dude i though for sure reed had gone psycho...i was so freakin scared like jason was in the back room or something. damn dustin wont even talk to me. tonite was pretty cool i should say. hahahaha
me: hey you want some?
those guys: who? what?
me: DEEZ NUTS!!
hahahaha itz just an ongoing joke that matt and them started. i gotta use it .
im so fuckin tired...damn...must...stay..up.
AFI rocks....
Whoa..it was an odd night. If taylor hadn't started shit talkin again nothing would of happened. "hey big girl, lemme hold a dolla". You aint grown bitch. Your more immature than me. yea i finally said the truth and how do you like it now. Then we called his cell...and jason was on there...so i go..hey lil dick, lemme get a nibble.....haha itz not lame, ya'll are just angry b/c were finally crackin down on ya'll. There aint gonna be no more bullshit goin on between us! Hell yea, this is war.
HAHAHAHA. I cant wait for me and Jen to chill this afternoon....haha. Im so tired, i really need to start taking my pills again. Omg, i did really good yesterday..
i ate:
4 ritz crackers
boiled chicken breast
Yea thatz it! but i already screwed up today. Ugh, i just love to eat so much. Its not as easy as it used to be. ooo wellz
Hot damn im so behind in my college classes. shit fuck damn..ugh. and i think i need to stop cussing as much. MAN FUCK THAT.HAHAHA.
its kinda funny to think people will read this and think im a psycho.....im really nothing like that, ya'll just dont know me
THE WHOLE WD CLICK IS SOME FUCKIN PSYCHOS WITH NO LIFES!~
truth hurts doesn't it babe, suck it up and accept it.
Dec 3, 2003
~M~
He means so much to me i just wish he knew
because when im around him the skys a different blue
and when he talks to me my knees begin to shake
the last thing i want is another heartbreak
if he would love me like i do
i could tell him that i will always be true
but when i try to talk i just dont know what to say
because i know he doesnt feel the same way
Dec 2, 2003
Odd conversation...i hate rapists
PETE says:
hey whats
PETE says:
up
·º·and then there was me....·º·fujd says:
hey nothing @ all
·º·and then there was me....·º·fujd says:
u?
PETE says:
just chilling
PETE says:
did he call u tonight
·º·and then there was me....·º·fujd says:
no why
PETE says:
idk jason said he wanted to talk to u
·º·and then there was me....·º·fujd says:
wtf
·º·and then there was me....·º·fujd says:
thats messed up
·º·and then there was me....·º·fujd says:
PETE says:
lol
·º·and then there was me....·º·fujd says:
wtf would he have to say to me
PETE says:
idk
·º·and then there was me....·º·fujd says:
weird..
ccchanges in emotion
gosh im going through so many fuckin emotional changes. I want to make a difference...and make people notice me for it.....
yea
i thought about calling you...or maybe just talking to you somehow. maybe you could save me. then i reminded myself of ...whats the use...
ShE bReAkSdOwN
DRY YOUR TEARS...THIS IS JUST A LOW POINT. STOP THINKING OF MATT. HE WAS JUST PERFECT. AND YOU KNOW IT. AND YOU SCREWED IT ALL UP. YOU DESERVE TO DIE FOR WHAT HAS HAPPENED. IM THE ONE WHO FELL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE. I HAD TO BE SO HAPPY WITH HIM. THE KIND OF HAPPY THAT SURPASSES EVERYTHING ELSE. ITS ONLY YOU AND HIM. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.WHY DOES IT HURT LIKE IVE NEVER FELT BEFORE. WHO WILL SAVE ME AND STOP THIS PAIN. STOP MEGAN, YOU KNOW NOT TO LET THEM SEE YOU LIKE THIS. IT ISN'T YOU. THEY'LL ASK QUESTIONS....TELL DADDY AND MAMA IT WILL DO NO USE. I AM INVISIBLE TO THEM. ITS ALL ABOUT THEM. THATS WHY I HIDE BEHIND THIS MASK. THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME BE ME..AND STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME THE WAY YOU WISH. FRIENDS WILL WONDER TOO I SUPPOSE. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO HER. SHE WAS ALWAYS HAPPY AND ALWAYS LAUGHING AND TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH. MAYBE THEY DIDN'T LISTEN ENOUGH TO HER. MAYBE THEY WERE NEVER HER FRIEND. NOW YOU SEE WHAT YOU DIDN'T MISS OUT ON. ME B I T C H. AN ABSOLUTE FREAK.
QuOtEs
well i wake up in the morning
and i step outside
and i take a deep breath
and i get real high and i
scream at the top of my lungs,
'what's goin' on?'
and i say...
And then there was me....
I can't imagine all the people that you know
and the places that you go
when the lights are turned down low
and I don't understand all the things you've seen
but i'm slipping inbetween
you and your big dreams
it's always you
in my big dreams
You can bend but never break me
Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul
No, I'm not bitter, I'm just never going to find that one person. And really, if I ever do, I should turn and run. Because why would I want to f u c k them up too?
"I know depression,you don't have to have pills to cure it. All you need is someone to talk to.
*((we were meant to live for so much more))*
Here I go, scream my lungs out to try to get to you.
You are my only one.
I let go, theres just noone,
Noone like you.
You are my only, my only one.
"I can't bring myself to say it's my own advice I need."
"and you kissed me like you meant it."
"this is because i can spell Konfusion with a K and i can like it. Its to dieing in another arms and why i had to try it. Its to jimmy eat world and those nites in my car where the first star you see may not be a star. isnt that what you said."
i'm tired,cynical and broken, but wiser heavy with a sense of resentment,but i used to be so much different.i used to have so much faith when i started.you knew that i always meant it i knew i could make a difference i struggled to be heard and then finally, one day people started listening and i knew it,but as soon as it began it was ruined a slow descent from unique to routine over and over "just do it again and this time with feeling"
"Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head"
"Oh love, hang on If you're willing, I'll be strong and I'll give you the life that you deserve"
"There's no one in town I know.You gave us some place to go.I never said thank you for that. I thought I might get one more chance. What would you think of me now,so lucky, so strong, so proud? I never said thank you for that,now I'll never have a chance. May angels lead you in.Hear you me my friends."
Its to dying in anothers arms and why i had to try it
eh..normal day at skool. I just saw Matt. Its the first time i've seen him since that sunday..... As i passed by him and glanced my heart just droped. This person who was so cruel to me yet im still in "love". whatever that means. I just crumble to pieces when i think in depth about him. I just have to keep telling myself that HES PSYCHO. o how i hate them....
People prob. think something is going on with me and Reed. man fuck some shallow minds...
that was so last year! haha..my lil friend with benefits....haha but now were just awsome friends, which is very cool with me.
i hate overprotective parents, i really hope i'm not one. I will learn from their mistakes.
Dec 1, 2003
B.s. da man
Geez..my head is spinning. I really shouldn't of done that! WTF am i saying. Today was awesome! HAPPY BIRTHDAY REED!!!
GRrrra! One of my "friends" made an awful decision on going out with this girl, whos totally wrong for him! I just wish you understood....stubborn ass
Britt would go good with Justin, i think i may push that idea.
Omg! Michael is a cutie! Jenn looks great with him.
i really miss bullshit alot...our "talks" were the best. Im so afraid of losing him as a friend no matter if he says i shouldn't. We really should be closer
Nov 30, 2003
Wowzers
i think i still have a *crush* on dustin and itz killing me inside....
my computer is a biatch
Im an awful person. Ive passed some really good people by because of my own stupidity. I didn't even know at the time i was doing it, i was caught up in other things..dumb things..I miss good times...and good people. Sunday was a complete bore. At least i have school tomorrow. Some sort of social scene. It beats sitting at this insane house. Damn! Itz awful something fierce.
Random Thought of the Day
Matt was perfect, i really liked him alot to the point where i was blissfully happy....
TOO BAD HE HAD TO BE PSYCHO!!!
Its not what it seems
I dont take advantage of things anymore. That which means the most to me i take in and appreciate. Its begining to make sense. Few people can dothis and truely understand. Ah yea! skooo! Im glad im not a superficial dumb ass! im proud to say im deep....:)
About a gurl
Ya kno i cant wait to get out of this town. My only thing i look forward to is college. It really bothers me how fake people in this town are. It blows my mind the things im learning about life. Sounds rather corny i kno...i would of said the same thing myself a while back. I hate that some haven't grown up yet. Gosh Family has nothing to do with me ne more. They lost faith in me months ago. Friends well...im not sure. Their are a few i'd consider *real people. I dont mean to offend anyone. Its just the way i feel. Maybe..just maybe you'll understand too. I miss Toni. We had a great friendship, and i bet we still would. Ah maybe its just one of those things...but i really think its more. Its confusing yet im on the verge of understanding it all. Maybe all i need is a little help.
RaNdOm ThOuGhTs
Simple acts of kindness make me feel the greatest, i wish they'd come more often
The phone never rings anymore...i miss boys
I eat more than i should..i dont know why food makes me happy. its not real
I feel sorry for the little boy with a rainbow sweater.
Nov 28, 2003
I love this...bar
Eeek! so Football season is over. Whata bummer. Im so surprised i didn't cry. I love marching season so much, altho this year was a total disaster since Farmer left. But anyhoo we lost in the second round of the playoffs, 23-0. I had such a great time. LIke ive had in a long time. I think i was too hyper to even explain.....u had to be there..ask britt, or jess..or bradly.....or Chris..my little freshman crush. ahh if only he was older. So yea im content at the moment. It was great to get out of the house and see some of my buddies. Omg! After the game britt and I saw Jason. I was shaking...soo freakin scared of that damn rapist. Nothing is being done about it....His time will come, and i will make sure of that. yea bitch thatz a fuckin threat!
*Beautiful Goodbye
Parents just dont understand....they're keeping me away from the one thing that makes me happy, my friends. If i ever died they'd look back and wonder why i was such a dissapointment and why i couldn't be like the others. I kno everyone tells me i shouldnt do it, that they'd miss me but i really dont think they would. After a few weeks they'd get over me. I made no real impact on anyone. I'm not really anyones good friend. i dont mean that much to anyone. I dont care anymore, i just want this pain to go away. why is it so constant. Everyone would come back and read this and think oh shes just complaining. it really isn't so bad for her. Thats why i cant connect with anyone, no one truely understands. Ill put on my happy face tho and pretend everything is okie dokie. Wouldn't want to make the parents even more angry at me.
Its prob. our last football game tonight. Whata bummer. Ill miss marching season.
Nov 27, 2003
Ive become so numb
ah yes Thanksgiving. Getting your family together to eat..and put up with each others bullshit for hours. i dont really get this day. Its really stressful and eveything gets on your case! Im actualy looking forward to going back to school..get away from this hell house. damn i'd hate to know what everyone sees me as. Theres those who know me..they think im a goofy happy girl right...and then the other people. whatever right. They probably would roll their eyes at me and think of how immature i am. They just dont care to get to know me well or be my friend. Why do i care so much about these people?????? I want to help them and help them be happy ....yet some of them wont even consider being my friend. Maybe it would ruin their reputation or maybe im just no good enough. Geez something is seriously psychologically wrong with me now. At least im not a psycho! I just want friends. I had a really disturbing convo with this guy today and it really made me angry. I was trying to tell them something serious and i was opening up to them and they didn't give shit. Ya kno it took alot just to tell them that. I need to have a serious conversation with someone....itz been a while, like since my 6 hour convo with allen. Hes obvious too busy now. Its really good hes happy now tho. He went through so much with that bitch before and he deserve the best.
Depression has taken over. I tried to ignore everything for a long time but its sunk in. I can no longer pretend like I can be happy and nothing happened. I feel the nothing it brings.
Nov 26, 2003
"he was buttraped by a large inmate and he screamed my anus is bleeding"
Music- Joker by Steve Miller Band
I dont know why i get so fuckin excited about having good friends. I dont even know whats wrong with me. I appear to be really happy and well but i feel like shit. Nothing is alright. Its either that stupid weight issue or some person....idk
Nov 25, 2003
whhaaa
Ugh! So i saw that fuckin rapist last night. I was so freakin scared they were gonna come over there and do something to me. They are so psycho. But everything will be chill. Today was the last day before Thanksgiving break. I miss being in highschool class where our last days before holidays were filled with games and movies. College is such a bore. Whatever. LiFe will go on i suppose. I dont know what i'll be doing tho since im on lockdown. Maybe ill just chill with my brother again...or sit at home..or do the usual lie so i can see my friends. whatever
Nov 24, 2003
RaInY
WoW! i had a pretty awesome weekend considering i was supposed to be grounded. i never knew my bro. could be so nice to me. Its all b/c of the situation tho but it still matters. I dont think i have ever been that drunk before. His friends were so funny tho. Hutch was the HoTeSt! eeks he was good looking. Im begining to understand the importantce of true friends and how much it doesn't matter that everyone else hates me. Ugh, it still hurts no matter how hard i pretend. Well im going to bed so i can bullshit that paper tomorrow before class...
Posted at 08:57 pm by rEdNeCk
